Someone from the fraud department at Chase Visa called to verify that I had indeed meant to charge all that porn on my credit card.

I can’t watch a movie love scene without making loud infantile kissing noises. I wasn’t happy.

“Pornography? As in  . . .  naked people?”

“And a web site was purchased under your name.”

“As in  . . .  really naked people? With no underpants or anything?”

“Did you make these charges?”

“Me? OK. Now I get it. Very funny, Bob,” I said into the receiver. “Oh sure, baby.” And I made raucous moaning sounds.

From behind me, Bob came rushing in the room. “A toothache again?” he said, upset.

“Oh boy.” I shook my head, then said to the caller, “Sorry. No. I’ll have to cancel my card.”

I typed my name in a web search. I’ve written articles that are on the net. A disclaimer appeared on the screen. “Warning! You are about to open material with links to pornographic matter.” This infuriated me.

Then I opened the web site that was set up with my card. I could imagine what would be sold from it. The site was there, all right, but under construction. And I am really mad to tell you that it still is.

I called the company who sold the thief the site. It’s Network Solutions – the company with which Acting Governor Jane Swift registered. I told them the site was set up fraudulently and I wanted it shut down. They emailed forms for me to fax. I did. I never heard back. I got frustrated. So Bob tried calling - again and again, to no avail. Then he called VeriSign, the parent company of Network Solutions, and described the problem in a voice message he left with their Security Chief. He never replied.

The person who used my card is named Sulistyo Waelah. He or she also has my address. I called the police. They said they’d send over an officer.

I have this problem of always acting like I’m at fault. When I’m in a store and security personnel are around, I look guilty. So I really wanted to convince the policeman that I was not into porn. I raced through the house, tossing all the women’s magazines and National Geographics. I threw our camera in the trash. Then I grabbed Bob’s arm. “Tell him we’ve never had sex.”

“You’re being an idiot.”

“Just tell him!” I thought further. “OK. When he asks about our sex life, just mention up to second base, but that’s it.”

“You need therapy.”

The officer said he’d give the case to a detective. Two weeks later I called the detective. He never received any information. So I faxed it to him. This was on June 21. In spite of my following up, I have not heard from him.

Bob feels violated by Sulistyo. I feel violated by the people who are supposed to be helping us. I know everybody will have an excuse. But this is my family’s house, my name and my money. And I’ve read that bank accounts can be emptied by identity thieves.

I finally heard from Network Solutions – an automated email from Michale Kyle, Vice President, Customer Service. It was a gracious invitation to “participate in a survey regarding your recent experience with Network Solutions customer support.”

I’m going to email back, “Hey Michale! There’s a web site set up with my credit card by a guy into porn! And you won’t shut it down!”

So what do I do now? I don’t know. But I will tell you this.